In school, I would often go hours without uttering a word. I was that quiet, shy kid who barely spoke, and I was completely fine with that. To this day, I bask in my solitude (as I live alone) and enjoy the moments of silence others may find uncomfortable, but this isn’t about that. This is about good ol’ social anxiety. While I do believe my quiet demeanor is part of my nature, another part of it came from fear. Fear of perception, fear of judgement, fear that I wasn’t good enough. Who cares what I have to say? Is it even important?
"I'll speak when I have something to say." she said. She's been dead silent for hours.
Since leaving high school, my social anxiety has all but disappeared. Honestly, little effort was made on my part, it felt more like a natural shift. I now find comfort in allowing myself to feel fear, anxiety, and the plethora of jittery emotions, yet never letting it stop me from doing as I please. It’s often said that on the other side of fear is everything you’ve ever dreamed of. During times of unease, I’ve found solace in small reminders, like this poem by Faiz Ahmed Faiz, which has been especially comforting. At one point, it was my phone lock screen for months.
Speak
Speak, for your lips are yet free;
Faiz Ahmed Faiz
Speak, for your tongue is still your own;
Your body yours alone;
Speak, your life is still your own.
Look into the blacksmith’s forge:
The flame blazes, the iron’s red;
Locks unfasten open-mouthed,
Every chain’s link springing wide.
Speak, a little time suffices
Before the tongue, the body die.
Speak, the truth is still alive;
Speak: say what you have to say.
I actually came across this poem while watching ‘We Are Lady Parts’ on Peacock. It’s an extraordinary show about a group of young women from various backgrounds that start a band. It’s hilarious and the characters are fascinating, if you have a chance, I highly recommend you watch. (just found out it got renewed for a second season, hehe!!)
I still really love that poem, and the origins are also an inspiring reminder to speak up against injustice. Speak, for your lips are free, for your life is still your own, for truth is still alive.
Im still in high school and i feel the exact same way. I’ve been quiet and “shy” my entire life but why’ll i’ve grown out of the shyness a bit,i realized the quietness is really just apart of my personality and something i find solitude in. I completely resonate with the fact that some of it is still rooted in social anxiety but for the most part it’s just me. It wasn’t until 10th grade when i started to accept it and realize there’s nothing wrong with that and i honestly think that’s helped me shed off some of the social anxiety more than anything I’ve tried and it happened so naturally i didn’t even realize it until recent. Thank you for sharing this!
thank you! the crazy thing is, I was super quiet starting 9th grade, then each year I slowly got *louder* like my base voice level got louder and I could never figure out why because it wasn’t intentional. it’s like I’ve been gradually stepping into myself and once I gradated it was ‘complete’. and I love my solitude as well, living alone has been so healing. I fear I’m a hermit by nature, even though I love people and their presence, I love being alone more. :) thank you for sharing as well!
I related so much especially the part about it disappearing after HS. For me though, it was a combination of drama class and my door to door sales gig, which got me out of my crippling social anxiety. Love the poem, looking forward to reading your next post
I was labelled as like “shy” or “quiet” when i was in kindergarten and early elementary but I was basically mute. Looking back I realized a lot of the time i would “speak” in my mind but not out loud.
i loveeee we are lady parts! such a good show & i knew i knew the poem from somewhere