Healing Natural Hair Trauma

From a young age, many of us were taught by society (especially our own families) to see our hair as “bad”, unkempt, and undesirable. That, coupled with the never-ending message of “you look better with braids/a perm/wigs/straight hair/etc” was truly awful. It’s no wonder that seeing yourself with your natural hair, at its natural tightness, can awaken those feelings of shame and insecurity. It’s as if you’re a child again, reliving the trauma inflicted by those around you. Heck, maybe the comments never even stopped at childhood, they stopped whenever you hid your hair.

For me, I grew up wearing braids back-to-back, never letting my hair breathe, never letting her curl up like she was supposed to. And when I didn’t have braids, I had a relaxer. In all my years, I had never seen myself with hair curling as tightly as it does. It wasn’t until I was in my late teens that I truly saw myself.

When I finally did see my hair curl tightly, all bunched up and dense… I immediately fell in love. But I also felt robbed. A mix of sadness and anger washed over me because I never got to experience my hair until now. I never got to truly see myself until now. I had resentment toward my parents for not learning how to care for my hair. I’m still dealing with those feelings but I’m glad to finally be me. The world has fought so hard for me to hide my hair, and they got me in the first half, but now it’s my turn. I always had SO much anxiety about showing my hair, but I realized it’s kinda like thinking everyone’s staring at me eating alone. It’s all in my head, nobody cares. It’s just hair.

The Liberating Truth About Natural Hair

I recognize there’s privilege in saying “it’s just hair” but in my reality, it just is. I don’t experience school or work discrimination (er- I guess I kinda do?) and while I do occasionally get comments from my family members, I couldn’t care less about their opinions. It’s insane that wearing our hair the way it grows out of our scalp (like everyone else is doing) is this controversial thing. We are robbed of comfortability and ease.

I remember being at an amusement park and instead of having fun, all I was thinking was “is my wig going to fly off?!” This may sound silly, but it’s an example of how depressing so many situations can be because of wigs and extensions. That 30 second ride that was supposed to be fun felt like 5 minutes of me figuring out what to do if my wig flew off, prepping myself for public humiliation and trying to ease my anxiety.

Going natural was the most freeing experience for me and made all my fears and worries go away. The next time I went to the amusement park, I rode all the crazy rides, laughing and screaming until my throat gave out. I could finally have fun without worrying about the thing on top of my head that was not my actual hair. My peace and freedom is more important to me than the negative perceptions people may have. I say may because not everyone has the negative perceptions you think they do, in fact most people don’t care. Regardless, I’m not letting anyone make me feel like I need to spend unnecessary time and money to cover up my hair. It’s literally just hair. BOO! you scared?

The Importance of Normalizing Natural Hair

I do hate the word “normalize” but we truly need to normalize natural hair instead of hiding it. Of course, this is a nuanced issue because of unfortunate things like hair discrimination or living in a toxic environment. But for those of us who can wear our natural hair and not care about any pushback, we should. Our ancestors fought for us to do this, specifically in America, African Americans fought for this. So, not only do I wear my natural hair because I love it, but I do it for those who couldn’t. And at the same time, there’s no need to link wearing your natural hair to any political movements or eras. It doesn’t need to be this big statement, it’s just hair. Wear it because it’s naturally you, not for anyone else or any trend.

Try giving the wigs, braids, and relaxers a break, and give yourself a chance instead. You don’t need straight hair in order to feel beautiful, I’m sorry the world has made you feel that way. If you don’t know how to care for your hair, it’s never too late to learn. It may feel overwhelming but that’ll change with time. Once you grasp the proper techniques and find a routine that works best for you, things will be much easier. I have my full haircare routine available on my YouTube Channel Yar Sudani + more videos across my TikTok channel.

Truth be told, learning how to physically care for your hair is only the half of it. For those of you who are struggling emotionally, who don’t yet have the strength to show up in your natural hair, I see you. I’m sorry you’re struggling to feel beautiful or confident in your natural hair. I urge you to give these journal prompts a try, they can help you understand the origins of your emotions. Pointing out the “why” can help set the stage for unlearning. Also check out this blog post to read what I think about “beauty” and why it’s important to deconstruct it.

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Your natural hair was literally made for you. I hope that you’ll be able to see the beauty in just letting it be.