From a young age, many of us were taught by society (especially our own families) to see our hair as “bad”, unkempt, and undesirable. That, coupled with the never-ending message of “you look better with braids/a perm/wigs/straight hair/etc” was truly awful. It’s no wonder that seeing yourself with your natural hair, at its natural tightness, can awaken those feelings of shame and insecurity. It’s as if you’re a child again, reliving the trauma inflicted by those around you. Heck, maybe the comments never even stopped at childhood, they stopped whenever you hid your hair.
For me, I grew up wearing braids back-to-back, never letting my hair breathe, never letting her curl up like she was supposed to. And when I didn’t have braids, I had a relaxer. In all my years, I had never seen myself with hair curling as tightly as it does. It wasn’t until I was in my late teens that I truly saw myself.
When I finally did see my hair curl tightly, all bunched up and dense… I immediately fell in love. But I also felt robbed. A mix of sadness and anger washed over me because I never got to experience my hair until now. I never got to truly see myself until now. I had resentment toward my parents for not learning how to care for my hair. I’m still dealing with those feelings but I’m glad to finally be me. The world has fought so hard for me to hide my hair, and they got me in the first half, but now it’s my turn. I always had SO much anxiety about showing my hair, but I realized it’s kinda like thinking everyone’s staring at me eating alone. It’s all in my head, nobody cares. It’s just hair.
The Liberating Truth About Natural Hair
I recognize there’s privilege in saying “it’s just hair” but in my reality, it just is. I don’t experience school or work discrimination (er- I guess I kinda do?) and while I do occasionally get comments from my family members, I couldn’t care less about their opinions. It’s insane that wearing our hair the way it grows out of our scalp (like everyone else is doing) is this controversial thing. We are robbed of comfortability and ease.
I remember being at an amusement park and instead of having fun, all I was thinking was “is my wig going to fly off?!” This may sound silly, but it’s an example of how depressing so many situations can be because of wigs and extensions. That 30 second ride that was supposed to be fun felt like 5 minutes of me figuring out what to do if my wig flew off, prepping myself for public humiliation and trying to ease my anxiety.
Going natural was the most freeing experience for me and made all my fears and worries go away. The next time I went to the amusement park, I rode all the crazy rides, laughing and screaming until my throat gave out. I could finally have fun without worrying about the thing on top of my head that was not my actual hair. My peace and freedom is more important to me than the negative perceptions people may have. I say may because not everyone has the negative perceptions you think they do, in fact most people don’t care. Regardless, I’m not letting anyone make me feel like I need to spend unnecessary time and money to cover up my hair. It’s literally just hair. BOO! you scared?
The Importance of Normalizing Natural Hair
I do hate the word “normalize” but we truly need to normalize natural hair instead of hiding it. Of course, this is a nuanced issue because of unfortunate things like hair discrimination or living in a toxic environment. But for those of us who can wear our natural hair and not care about any pushback, we should. Our ancestors fought for us to do this, specifically in America, African Americans fought for this. So, not only do I wear my natural hair because I love it, but I do it for those who couldn’t. And at the same time, there’s no need to link wearing your natural hair to any political movements or eras. It doesn’t need to be this big statement, it’s just hair. Wear it because it’s naturally you, not for anyone else or any trend.
Try giving the wigs, braids, and relaxers a break, and give yourself a chance instead. You don’t need straight hair in order to feel beautiful, I’m sorry the world has made you feel that way. If you don’t know how to care for your hair, it’s never too late to learn. It may feel overwhelming but that’ll change with time. Once you grasp the proper techniques and find a routine that works best for you, things will be much easier. I have my full haircare routine available on my YouTube Channel Yar Sudani + more videos across my TikTok channel.
Truth be told, learning how to physically care for your hair is only the half of it. For those of you who are struggling emotionally, who don’t yet have the strength to show up in your natural hair, I see you. I’m sorry you’re struggling to feel beautiful or confident in your natural hair. I urge you to give these journal prompts a try, they can help you understand the origins of your emotions. Pointing out the “why” can help set the stage for unlearning. Also check out this blog post to read what I think about “beauty” and why it’s important to deconstruct it.
Self-Reflection Journal Prompts
- What are some of my earliest memories related to my natural hair, and how have they influenced my self-perception over the years?
- What societal or cultural messages have I internalized about natural hair, and how have they impacted my self-esteem and self-worth?
- Can I identify specific moments or comments from family, friends, or peers that contributed to my negative feelings about my natural hair?
- What are some positive aspects of my natural hair that I appreciate or admire in others? How can I learn to appreciate these qualities in myself?
- How has my relationship with my natural hair affected my overall self-confidence and self-acceptance?
- What are some common myths or misconceptions about natural hair that I need to debunk for myself?
- Have I ever had positive experiences with my natural hair that made me feel proud or beautiful?
- Describe an ideal, loving relationship with your natural hair. How would I like to feel and think about it in the future?
- What self-care practices can I incorporate into my routine to nurture and celebrate my natural hair, such as deep conditioning or self-affirmations?
- Write a love letter to your natural hair, expressing gratitude for its unique qualities and beauty. Also apologize for any mistreatment or neglect.
♡
Natural Hair Affirmations
Repeat In Front of Mirror Daily
- I look and feel beautiful in my natural hair.
- I love and accept my natural hair just the way it is.
- I am gentle and patient with my hair, giving it the love and attention it deserves.
- I am grateful for my hair’s ability to shrink, coil, and express its natural texture.
- I am at peace with my hair’s natural tendencies and embrace its quirks.
- I am worthy of love and respect, and don’t have to hide my hair to get it.
- I release any negative thoughts about my hair and embrace it with love and gratitude.
- I am confident in my how my hair looks, it boosts my self-esteem.
- I attract positive energy and compliments about my hair because it reflects my self-love.
- My natural hair is a crown that I wear proudly.
The last one is a bit corny I admit, but true nonetheless! Try writing them down too. ♡
Your natural hair was literally made for you. I hope that you’ll be able to see the beauty in just letting it be.
My journey in loving my natural has been very similar. Prior to freshmen year of high school, my hair would almost always be in braids, and when it wasn’t, it was relaxed. It wasn’t until late freshmen year that I decided to stop relaxing my hair. I got a lot of push back from my family, and they were concerned about how I would be able to do my hair, and keep it “manageable”. But it was one of the best decisions that I made for myself, and now I’m a junior in college and I love every aspect of my hair. And I think I’ve healed a lot of the trauma my inner child held onto when it came to wearing my natural hair in it’s frizzy, thick, and shrunken state. I finally built up the courage to get my first curly cut for my birthday about a month ago! I love this entry so much, thank you for sharing<3
I love this for you!! and thank you for sharing as well, this brought a smile to my face. <333!!
Thank you for addressing the hair trauma many black women like me endure. It’s unbelievable how I related with every single experience you noted down. This post was so poignant and incredible I can’t wait to read the next one! I absolutely adore your blog and appreciate you embracing your natural hair on your platform <3
thank you so much!! :’) Xx
Thank you for this! I am not there yet in terms of my natural hair journey. I have stopped relaxing my hair but I still wear protective styles back to back. The reason being because I don’t know how to take care of it, I’m not used to seeing myself in my natural hair and the negative comments from my mom telling me how messy my hair is, always gets to me. I am always told how my type of hair (4C & very high porosity) is not meant to be natural and how I need to relax it but I have always found it strange as to why I’m always wearing protective hairstyle but never ever wearing my hair out. I hope someday I can really learn to love my hair and wear it the same way you do. Watching your TikToks help me tremendously.
This bit:
“It’s insane that wearing our hair the way it grows out of our scalp (like everyone else is doing) is this controversial thing. We are robbed of comfortability and ease”
Basically how I’ve felt for ages but could never express properly. It’s not just about feeling unattractive or unfeminine, it’s also the emotionally draining experience of spending insane amounts of time and money to mask what our DNA strands dictate.