I used to love how I looked, I loved the wigs that didn’t match my natural hair and the makeup that didn’t quite resemble me, then suddenly that all changed. I started feeling weird about my appearance, asking myself things like:
“Why do I wear straight wigs?” “Why do I look so different with makeup?”
“Am I doing this to be liked by others?” “What am I hiding?”
Truthfully, I wasn’t doing it to be liked or even thinking about others. I was happy with how I looked and didn’t see anything wrong with it, until I did. At first it was fun, kind of like dress up or IMVU in a way. Then I had this epiphany: did people perceive me as more beautiful, deserving, better, because of the straight wigs? Was I easy to digest because I hid the hair on my head? Whether it was intentional or not, the realization made me feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to receive love and support if that love was only present because my natural hair wasn’t, or my bare face for that matter.
The shift to my now appearance didn’t start immediately, but over the course of a year. At the end of April 2021, I decided to stop wearing straight wigs completely. I put them all in a trash bag and disregarded them. I vowed to never promote them and canceled all upcoming wig collaborations despite that being my main source of income at the time. Along with that, my makeup started to appear less bold, slowly becoming more natural. I toned down the brows and went lash-less or wore 15mm at most, I officially retired “the wings”!
Then I dropped this video June 2021…
For a while, the braids, afros, and yaki wigs were enough for me.
I felt more confident and genuine… until I didn’t, again. I started asking myself, why wear wigs at all? Now this, this was the true test for me, I actually felt scared and unsure. Large afros were safe, it was easy. But my tight curls? No, they were unprotected, vulnerable, and unseen. As nervous as I was, I knew I had to take the steps to go natural because if I didn’t then no one would truly perceive my existence. I’d never be appreciated for being me and simply existing in this body of mine.
Natural hair, specifically 4C hair, has been stigmatized and shamed for so long I felt like there wasn’t a safe place anywhere. The hurtful comments made by family and community members is a big reason why most Black women and girls even feel compelled to rely on wigs or relaxers. Sometimes it’s not even about disliking yourself or “protecting” your hair, it’s about protecting yourself from constantly being put down and ridiculed because of how tightly your hair curls. Why did coils cause so much commotion? Why was I made to feel like I had to hide my hair while others showed theirs freely, without question? They gave this very simple thing on top of my head so much power over my appearance that I felt powerless. But I couldn’t have that; I couldn’t let them win.
Appreciating the beauty in my hair was the easy part, but allowing myself to be seen knowing that it opened the door for others to belittle me was the scary part. However, I don’t let fear control me and because of that, I am free. I am happy and secure in my body, in my everything.
Over time, I let go of the beauty standards and societal expectations, embracing myself as I am. I now prefer my bare face and natural hair and feel the most beautiful that way. The allure of being an “Instagram baddie” had lost its appeal for me; I just wanted to be a regular Black girl and not feel like I’m cosplaying as something I’m not. I don’t want to be depressed at the sight of my curls then leap for joy when I get a wig installed that resembles the hair of non-Black women. All hair types are beautiful, but that’s just degrading to me. I’ve never been the type to put myself down to uplift someone else and putting on those wigs felt like that after a while.
My whole life my hair was hidden by braids, perms, or wigs, and now I’m making up for lost time. No matter what hurtful words are thrown my way, I’m putting myself first and reminding myself that, in the grand scheme of things, it’s only hair. If someone is pathetic enough to be bothered by what naturally grows from another person’s head, their opinion doesn’t matter and never will.
I’ve come across people sharing concerns like: “what if my partner doesn’t like my natural hair?” and I just tilt my head and squint because truthfully, if your natural hair is a deal breaker for them, they don’t deserve you. Simple as that. As India Arie said, “I am not my hair”. You should like me for my soul, my love, my thoughts and actions, but not my hair. (well… I guess you can like it :P)
I often wonder, what if people weren’t supportive? What if people didn’t compliment me and I always got tons of hate comments? What if the world was against me? What then? Would I be strong enough to continue on? I don’t think I’ll ever know because thankfully I’ve received so much love and support in this journey, but the thought still scares me. Am I as strong as I’d like to believe? Maybe. Or maybe I shouldn’t have to be that strong at all. Regardless, I am grateful. If you’ve ever complimented my hair, or shown me kindness and support in any way, thank you. I just hope you also lend that love and support towards Black girls who you don’t find attractive or beautiful. I know my looks and featurism play a role in how I’m treated, but I think we could all benefit from extending warmth to everyone regardless of their appearance.
This journey has been beautiful and I’m proud of myself for never giving up.
I loved reading this, I’m currently struggling with the idea of what beauty and femininity means to me, for the longest ive felt I wasn’t allowed to see myself as feminine, or beautiful or sexy because I’m a bigger built, hairy tall black woman with a deeper voice. But you’ll lose your mind trying to fit yourself in a mold that was never meant for you to begin with. I love how you expressed your thought process in going through this shift. Thankyou for sharing your story and for being unapologetically you❤️
thank you so much for reading :] I’m glad you had the same realization, characteristics labeled “masculine” and “feminine” don’t matter or even exist to me. people who are male don’t “own” deep voices, body hair, tallness, or anything of the sort. those are traits and qualities people in general have, your womanhood/identity is valid either way. much love x
OMG
I’m inspired. I have so many insecurities too like my forehead , dark circles and tummy rolls. Everyday I try to hide them and most times I just feel like I’m trying to be someone I’m not. I’m really hoping to change.
i’m glad you’ve recognized this! i used to be sooo insecure about my forehead and then one day i just said.. “this is ridiculous, my forehead signifies my people and i would never call them ugly or tell them to change themselves, so why would i say it to myself?” goodluck on your journey love x
awh this was a beautiful read. I’ve been following you since 2020 and it been refreshing to see how much growth you’ve had! I’ve had a very very similar experience and find that I feel so much more free being authentically me! I still struggle with loving my hair but I don’t wear as much makeup if any at all and have deleted all social media (except ig lol) and have catapulted my life, hobbies and interests outside of the internet. After all social media is a perception. I had to look at the pics I posted in a wig and lashes and lots of makeup I was like wow this looks nothing like me! I look so fierce and intimidating when really I’m a shy lil sweet heart 😅 but ugh thank u for this blog post cant wait for more in the future!
haha I feel you on the being a sweetheart! I can only ever look fierce and intimidating when my hair is covered, I think that says a lot. life is better when we start embracing ourselves and stop pretending! social media can really rob us of living life if we let it, we need more hobbies and fun in the real world, that’s actually what my next post it about lol!! thank you for stopping by and reading my blog :] <3
Yar, I’m so so proud of you!! This was so beautiful to read. You inspire me and so many other black girls <3
thank you so much Deb! i really do appreciate YOU and this <3
This was such a beautiful read, I think it’s so important for black girls to reconsider what beauty means to us and acknowledge that it can come in all forms.
thank you so much! and that’s very true, i never really thought about who decided what was beautiful or questioned why it excluded so many parts of blackness… but when i did thats when everything changed. :]
I really relate to this because I’ve been trying to feel more comfortable with wearing my hair out for the health of my hair. I’ve also dealt with unnecessary comments about how my natural hair looks and it made me hesitant to wear it. Now, that I’m older I think I ready to wear it regardless of what people have to say about it.
age is such a big factor, younger me would’ve been so scared and unsure. im glad you’re ready to show the world your crown <3
This blog help me realize so much about myself. Lately i’m being going through the same thing but my hair relaxed and idk why but i was so scared to wear my natural hair but reading this help me understand that it’s nothing wrong with my natural hair and that i need to embrace it! I just want to say thank u💘
you’re welcome beautiful!! im proud of you. :]
Such a beautiful read. I’ve been following you since 2020 and I was surprised and grateful when I saw you embracing your natural hair. I find it lovely that self love for you was through an abstinence of sorts to wigs and makeup, while myself I’ve found love of my body and natural hair through mild modification i.e. dreading my hair and coloring it, tattoos, etc. Everyone’s journey is different and I love hearing about yours <3
thank you!! and that is absolutely true, the journey looks different for everyone but in the end we find ourselves. lovely!
i enjoyed reading this because recently i cut my perm to my natural hair and i’ve never felt better about it so reading this is actually very encouraging.
I’m so proud of you. :] x
This was a beautiful read. I’m still trying to break myself out of the Instagram black baddie beauty standards. I totally get what you said about the comments. Hair shouldn’t be complicated. Seeing your journey has been inspiring for me. I hope to sport my natural coils more in the future :)
thank you sm! I hope you show the world your beautiful coils too <3
I just started my natural hair journey and still being in school I’ve gotten a lot of comments on it. Despite a lot of support from the truly sweet people, theres been a little bit if negativity.There’s always the odd “What did you do to your hair I like it before” in there. (The before being my braids) My hair length has also been an issue with people comparing me to a boy as my hairs not that long. Your page made me see that i’m really not my hair. The comments they say don’t make up my beauty, personality or class. Thank you. Im going to do what I want to and continue. And please continue this page i’m looking forward to your next post.
thank you so much for your kind words! people can be so cruel, I’m sorry they’ve been giving you a hard time. I’m glad you know your worth, you are such a sweetheart!! <3
I love this, can’t wait for more of your blog posts ! ♥
thank you!!
When I first visited your website I knew that the first post was be a good one and didn’t disappoint
im cheesing! thank you :]
I was hesitant to wear my natural hair out for back to school but this post helped me a lot thanks so much yar
ahh you got this beautiful!! Xx
i remember facetiming my boyfriend after a shower and he saw my hair in its truly natural form, non-stretched and coiled.it was just as coiled and beautiful as yours. at that point of our relationship i had felt so comfortable with him and that i thought i could share myself in every aspect with him. he later proved me wrong as he was shocked that my hair looked just like his fresh out the shower. he bombarded me with questions regarding the change as if he was unaware what afros do. his questions were delivered with heavy panic. the panic caused me to rush to his feelings and reassure him that i was still desirable. i stretched out my hair to just above my neck and then began blow drying it. i didn’t think too much about it because i understood why he felt that way, cause part of me still felt like that though i had thought that my mentality had changed thanks to content creators such as your self and lipglossss.
i later started discussing shaving my hair and doing multiple styles before starting my loc journey, he was against it and pleaded that i do otherwise. i always responded with “don’t worry about me sweetheart”. i never really took offense to it cause again i understood his mentality, did i agree, no, but i understood.
fast forward we ended up breaking up because of uni and other things. but i did end up shaving my hair off like i said i would. he ended up commenting on my hair and saying, “wow you actually did it.” it made me think about how if i had stayed with him i most likely would have delayed expressing myself simply because of the opinion of someone who most likely would be temporary in my life. the fact that revealing my hair in its natural form felt like a big step in my relationship is kind of insane the more i think about it.
im only 19, 20 soon. i still have a lot to learn and experience but the most important thing i can learn and experience is myself. i want to thank you for your content as it has affirmed the thoughts i have always carried within me.
wow, he didn’t deserve you at all and was deeply insecure within himself to even find a problem with your hair being similar to his. im sorry you went through that, it really is insane how people act over hair. but i’m so happy you went through with shaving your head and feel comfortable expressing yourself :’) and don’t beat yourself up for giving in at first, it really is hard going against the beauty standards. every journey has some bumps along the way but the most important thing is that you reach your destination. thank you so much for writing this beautiful comment, and it means so much that you resonated with my content! <3
I’ve been feeling this way a lot lately! Especially with the straight hair wigs. They don’t feel like me and feel so unnatural. I then moved to curly and kinky textures but soon I hope to get over the way about my natural hair and just wear it out instead. Baby steps but I’ll get there too :)
ya, baby steps are still steps! goodluck on your journey love <33
I really enjoyed reading this article. It made me think alot about my own exploration with beauty. Even though I’ve been natural since my sophomore year of high school, I always wonder what it would be like if I straightened my hair again or I start to wear wigs or I start to wear more makeup. I wondered how I would be perceived differently than I am now. It’s nice to feel reassured that I don’t need to feel pressured to do any of that stuff to feel beautiful and honestly, I think that’s why I haven’t tried any of those things out before. I feel like myself the most with my hair in its natural state and my face bare.
thank you :] sometimes curiosity gets the best of us but I’m glad you chose yourself <3
Being you in your most natural state, should be THE beauty standard.
I grew up with me natural hair, but as I got older, lots of my black girl friends(that I grew up with) started wearing wigs and makeup. So I felt as though I was staying behind, so I started questioning my appearance and beauty a lot. I thought growing up meant that along the way, I should start doing makeup and wearing wigs, but I was just fine being myself, so why? I eventually started wearing wigs and doing makeup, but felt so weird all the time. So I ended up stopping everything and sticking to my natural hair and maintaining my beauty rather than ‘enhancing’ my beauty with makeup.
I just feel mentally and physically healthier this way.
Thank you Sudani for being relatable, please keep this up❤️
exactly, it’s sad that people get told their natural features are bad or wrong, when the only thing truly wrong is society. and we can try new things and play pretend but if it doesn’t align, we can feel it. i’m glad you found yourself again, thank you so much for sharing! <3
Wow, I’m going through this rn lol. I just wanna go back to being a regular black girl. I’m going through that phase where I wanna be a baddie and it’s obviously not for me. “They gave this very simple thing on top of my head so much power over my appearance that I felt powerless.” I loved that. I can’t wait until I too can say “ The allure of being an “Instagram baddie” had lost its appeal for me; I just wanted to be a regular Black girl and not feel like I’m cosplaying as something I’m not.” thank you for this 🙌🏾
thank you!! I believe in you, goodluck xx
This is inspiring me so much to actually put effort into my hair now, I really want to love who I am more, and be comfortable in my skin and coils. You are a beautiful soul ive looked up to for a while, so thank you for this.
thank you so much :’) you got this love xx
This is literally one of the most beautiful post I’ve read , though i do wear wigs from time to time I’ve become content in my own skin wearing my natural hair and bare face because if this exact reason!! I don’t want to be accepted because you think i look presentable or pretty enough with lashes makeup wigs or etc I love all the skin i am in and the ones who are for me love me every inch of me the exact way ! Thank you so much for sharing this with us much love beautiful 💗
thank you so much for reading!! im glad you feel the same way x
Reading this meant so much to me.. I started to fixate on makeup and having straight hair earlier, before i even knew to put those into words.
I really hit a low point in my teens when i felt genuine fear, when someone from my school would see me without makeup or see me with my natural hair out. Even then it didn’t click for me that maybe i wasn’t doing it for me or because it made me happy. Like i would avoid mirrors on weekends & wake up at 5am to do my makeup go to school not caring if it was P.E or any physical activity as long as i had makeup on my face & my hair resembles of straight hair.
I never really felt like i was ugly deep down, but i did feel fear of how would the world see me if i didn’t hide behind makeup or hide my natural hair. It didn’t also help that i used to go through my moms makeup as a super curious kid & find skin lightening creams & see her become lighter than i am. In a way i think i was robbed of that childhood where looks didn’t matter, because you are just a kid.
But one day i woke up at 5am & asked myself “why am i doing this?” & that really did help me realize that maybe this isn’t healthy for me as a teen girl to feel so down of my bare face & my natural hair. After that day i just stopped doing everything (but i did only strictly wear braids at that point.). At first i felt so scared & in a weird way ashamed whenever someone looked at me, but with time i was comfortable with it. Felt like i started to get to know me again & who i am really. It feels weird & in a way it makes me sad, that i grew up being fed subconsciously by what i consumed & what the world looked like around me that there was something wrong with me.
I’m very happy where i’m heading & feel like i’m taking less & less value in my looks & adding it to what my soul resembles. My goals are different & the kind of woman i want to be looks so different now. I’m very grateful it didn’t consume entirely & seeing you really helped me a lot. you inspire me & it means a lot to me. i haven’t fully had my natural hair out (like i don’t wear my curls to school), but i did start trying to go out where no one knows me. It does feel weird & uncomfortable when people stare, but at the same time it feels so so much more better & i think to myself “why did i wait so long?” every time lol
I love your blog & can’t wait to see more from you ;)
im so sorry you went through that, but i’m glad you found a more authentic version of yourself. im so happy for you and totally agree, we should spend less time on our appearance and more on our soul. thank you for sharing! <3
Please do a mkeup totriual for people who are very new to makeup ans please include the products and shades you are using💗💗
“I just wanted to be a regular Black girl and not feel like I’m cosplaying as something I’m not.” That hit home. Thank you for being vulnerable about this. I hope this inspires other young black girls to not fall into the trap of being an “instagram baddie”. Going through this myself, from wearing makeup almost every day to now embracing my natural face is truly a teachable moment that we should accept ourselves for who we are. I love and embrace my blackness! 🫶🏾