Leave 4c Hair Alone and Get a Diary (PLEASE)

Every time I come across those viral ‘I always tell little Black girls I love their hair’ posts, my smile lasts only a second before turning into a frown. People often make it their mission to uplift Black girls and compliment their hair in person, only to later go online and criticize it for the world to see. The girl who you told has beautiful hair can see the “my 4c could never” comment you made.

If you’re unfamiliar with what I’m referring to, first of all congratulations, and second, take a look:

Whenever someone with straight hair or loose curls is doing a hair tutorial or simply existing, the comments flood with people wishing, begging, pleading, that they had that looser hair type. If the OP decides to reply, saying ‘all hair types are beautiful’ or ‘love your hair,’ the responses are often people getting upset with them. How insane is that?

The Texturism Paradox

A couple years ago, a Biracial YouTuber mentioned in a video that she’s glad she doesn’t have 4c hair because ‘it’s difficult and unmanageable.’ As expected, she received tons of backlash (which was deserved) however, she only said that because of what her mother and other people with tight curls told her, including her own subscribers mentioning her ‘good hair’. I guess what I’m wondering is, how do we expect people to respect our hair while constantly putting it down? How can someone complain about 4c hair every chance they get then be outraged when people believe them or repeat what’s said? What sense does that make? Accountability in this conversation is important because people don’t want to admit they contribute to spreading harmful beliefs surrounding natural hair.

Thousands of young and impressionable Black children/teens are on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, etc and they’re seeing the texturist sentiment and feeling bad about their hair. Some people have said they’ve never felt insecure about their hair until they started seeing the way people bash 4c hair online. Society has already made us feel inadequate, but to get online and see our peers (who share the same hair as us) also put us down is sickening.

Online Display of Self-Hatred

Back in June 2022, I posted a TikTok of me doing my little brother’s hair so I could help my followers who asked for haircare tips. Weeks later, this simple innocent video started getting tons of hate comments like: ‘beedabees, BBs, peas, nappy’ even people claiming he didn’t have coils. All types of ignorant stuff, and guess what I seen when I clicked the profiles? They had the exact same hair as him. Mostly Black boys, but Black girls too. At first, I was angry and disgusted but then I received a comment that wrote:

“We always had to brush our hair for church and get all the beedabees out. I’d get popped if I didn’t. Slowly trying to unlearn a lot of things.”

@Da***ay on tiktok

When I read that comment a wave of sadness washed over me. The texturism a lot of us faced was traumatic, and I recognize that not everyone has an environment to foster self-love or gain a clear understanding of what’s right or wrong. To them, vocalizing 4c hair hatred could be as normal and true as the sky is blue. Still, without a genuine effort to heal and unlearn, my empathy dwindles. I can’t extend a helping hand to someone who’s adamant about harming people who look like them. Besides, it’s 2023, and information is readily available to teach people proper hair care, as well as pages to follow that share positive messages about natural hair. You can begin to heal but only if you seek to. Aren’t you tired of laughing at yourself?

As children (and even present) we might’ve been called names, forced to get a haircut, a relaxer, hide our hair, but we don’t have to continue that. We can choose to love our curls and only shave, manipulate, hide, or braid it if we want to. Hair is expression and we have freedom to do whatever we’d like. But there is nothing wrong with your shrinkage, no matter how much society, or your own family might try to convince you otherwise.

Texturism, like colorism, is one of the many results of antiblackness. People ‘love curly hair” until it’s ‘too curly,’ the same way they ‘love melanin’ until it’s ‘too much’ melanin. No matter how much people claim to love being Black, their mind is still plagued with self-hate and antiblackness. (Which they often project onto other Black people)

Ending The Cycle

If you’re someone who hates their 4c hair, the self-hatred isn’t going to disappear overnight. But what can disappear overnight is the harmful comments you make, online and offline. The first step to loving your hair, and honestly yourself, is to stop making self-deprecating comments. That toxic behavior isn’t going to help you, it’s only going to make you more miserable. I don’t want to say ‘hate your hair in private’ but— NO, actually I am saying it. Publicly bashing 4c hair isn’t going to help you, please get a diary to work on your issues. You don’t even need to go natural or be deeply in love with your hair… just stop demonizing it and treating it like a curse.

For those of you who are struggling and want to start loving and caring for your natural hair, you can find hair care tips and tutorials on my YouTube Channel, TikTok, and Instagram. I also have a couple blog posts up that may be helpful. Furthermore, I welcome blog requests. If you fill out this form, there’s a chance that I’ll be able to write a dedicated post or personally reply to you through email. If you’d rather leave a comment under this post, that’s a great option too. I genuinely want you to foster a positive relationship with your hair and for these degrading anti-black comments to stop.

4c hair, tight curls, coily hair, kinky hair, natural hair, textured hair, or whatever you decide to call it, is beautiful and deserves better than how the world treats it.

I’m truly blessed to have mine!